looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dignity is for republicans.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
