is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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