She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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