So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this boner is exhausting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
