listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That accounts for only three of the penises
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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