have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
