Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
