he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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