Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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