Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
