So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
