Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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