I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
