I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
