Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just tell him i said nine months
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
