Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
