I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
