Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
