What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
