hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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