i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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