I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
