TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
