All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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