areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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