she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
