And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
third nipple confirmed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
