I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
