hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
