So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
