A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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