fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
