He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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