how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
