How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
