That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
