she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
