I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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