so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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