from now on my penis is your penis
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
