he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do herpes really smell.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
