I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
