Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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