I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
