you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
