If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
someone threw a dead crab at me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
