Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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