GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
