I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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