I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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