i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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