I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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