dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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