you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
