went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
