Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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